New York State of Mind – Billy Joel 1976

I often deride America, and Americans. That eternal apple-pie-stars-and-stripes optimism they fling upon the rest of us eking out an existence in the dark-and-dismal-non-green-carded-world does not sit well with my innate Anglo-Australian scepto-sarcasto-irony. My parents would not let me watch Who’s the Boss (Madame est Servie) or Growing Pains (Quoi de neuf Docteur) when I was a child because such programmes would set unrealistic expectations for the future. I was however allowed to watch the Goodies, Benny Hill, Fawlty Towers and the Kenny Everett Video Show. I’ll leave you to decide which would have done the most damage.

I find it hard to believe that 250 million people from so many different backgrounds and living in such diverse circumstances can be so bloody happy all the time. I understand that they have a free economy, a rather sexy President who isn’t bopping half of a high school like Silvio and unlimited refillable soda at most restaurants, but why all the sunny eyed smiling optimism? I mean, these guys invented Cheerleaders and Glee Clubs, both, high school organisations dedicated to making one and other feel exceptionally cheerful, and of course providing the raison d’être for most of John Hughes oeuvre.

Chuck Taylors Go Red White and Blue

 

Australia counters such promotion of unadulterated joy with Tall-Poppy Syndrome; a peer group phenomenon that actively promotes the figurative cutting down of anyone who tries to excel or poke their head out above the Hoi Polloi. Stoically similar are the Brits who gave us the Stiff Upper Lip whereby no one, ever, under any circumstances, even when Diana got wrapped around a Mercedes, shows any kind of public emotion. Unless of course one is rip-roaringly drunk, and then men kiss men, or dress up as women, sing loudly over a ball and pee openly in the streets.

All the same, for one reason and one reason only, I would happily marry Uncle Sam. New York! New York! It’s a wonderful town.

 

I recently enjoyed my second lightning-fast visit to the Big Apple and all over again; I was not disappointed, although I was sometimes flummoxed by the choices. 

Everything in America is bigger, better and has more colours, flavours and varieties than anywhere else. Not content with just one M (fabulousness on legs that I am), they gave us M&Ms. Why would you want two and even worse, one that is not red?

You order a Cheeseburger.

 

Common dining standards around the world prescribe that only ketchup and mustard be brought to the table as accompaniments for such a pedestrian dish, but not in New York. In New York, your burger has a choice of fries, sweet, chilli or normal, a choice of cheese, American, cheddar, Jack, Bleu or Swiss, and comes with a caddy grouping together of a dozen different sauces that you can use as stabbing practice for your chips or mix into a concoction to disguise the taste of the ‘beef’. It has to be said, unless you are in a speciality restaurant in New York, the antipodeans and the Japanese have got beef excellence all wrapped up, drinking beer and massaged into Wagyuian indulgence.

 

Then you go shopping. 

In New York, a toy store is a tourist attraction. Not only because that toy store featured in an iconic movie, but also because that toy store has the world’s largest selection of Barbie dolls (including a Barbie’d up Kate Middleton), the world’s largest selection of Lego, and the world’s only Muppet Workshop. And no, that is not a euphemism for your place of work but an actual place in FAO Schwarz where you can actually get a custom made Muppet and if I had had 75 spare dollars I would have sat down and watched as the Muppet Master glued me together a Piggy with red shoes.

 

New York is where every building has a fire exit.

The iron fire exits evoking giant dangling earrings on the outer façade of every building in New York fascinate me. For one, why don’t we have these in Paris or London? Are we just frying in the event of an inferno? For two, why have the ingenious Yanks not yet invented a way of hiding them away? Or do they just leave them there so we have a ready location for any climatic kissing scene in the bevy of romantic comedies thrust upon us from New York. Kate and Leopold, 27 Dresses, The Proposal, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and the original and the best An Affair to Remember, all feature moments on a fire escape.

 

That is why I want you to start spreading the news. I want to be a part of it. 

Comments

[lila Braga]

what a fantastic post!!!!!!! wow! I felt like I was part of it!
hugs
lila

[MM]

Thanks Lila,
Glad to welcome another fan to the world for MM.
Keep reading
MM